Random Redneck EHarmony Profiles - Vern from West Texas

Well Damn!!  I'll be a crawdad scutin way from the pooch playin wit me. My buddy Cletus wants me to git my ass on here to find me a wommens. I'm all pooped out looking after my damn self when they tell me theres sum perfectly good wommens out there who kin do it fur me. I've a lot to offer the right wommen folk like my castle here behind me!  It even got the built in air conditioning espeshly in the latrine area as shown above. Nothin like peein wit a view of da grate outsides.  I used to have the potty inside the castle but then the damn vermins moved in and crappd all over the place and i had to move outside for a spell. I'm looking for wommens who will pay attenshon to my needs and cook grits. She also need to be stacked like a water melon cart and she needs to know how to shoot a gun cuz the vermins move fast and I ain't got the time.